What do you do if your elderly parents are struggling to live on their own? Or, if you live with them, what should you consider if you’ve noticed changes in their health or personal habits that have you worried? As their child, you feel responsible for making sure they are safe, healthy, and comfortable.

The first step is to talk with them about your concerns. It can be hard for older adults to recognize that they might need help with their daily lives. Adult children should approach the conversation with the attitude that they’re trying to empower their parent, not trying to take control of the situation.

(While this post only refers to parents of adult children, it applies to other older adults in a person’s life, like grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Warning signs

December and January are especially busy months for admissions to senior living communities. That’s because over the holidays, many adult children see their parents for the first time in several months, realizing they aren’t able to care for themselves as they had in the past.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this. You may have noticed changes in your parents’ appearance, cognitive abilities, and living conditions. Things like:

• Their house needed repairs, or it hadn’t been cleaned in some time.
• Household items weren’t where they were supposed to be.
• Stacks of unopened bills littered the dining room table.
• Their physical appearance was poor (e.g., lack of personal hygiene, drastic weight loss, disheveled hair).
• They seemed forgetful or confused.
• Expired or rotten food was in the refrigerator and cupboards.

For those who live with their parents, you’ve probably kept on top of paying bills and cleaning the house, but have you noticed:

• Your parents are more forgetful or confused.
• You’re having to do things for your parents you didn’t have to do before.
• You don’t have free time for yourself.
• You’re experiencing increased stress about the number of tasks you have to plan or complete for your parents.
• You’re not able to take care of yourself because you’re busy caring for them.

Know that these are some warning signs that could indicate your parents might need additional assistance.

Support is available

If the warning signs you notice are significant, your parents could benefit from moving to a senior community that offers assisted living or memory care. Staff are present to help residents with health and personal care tasks, such as medication management, personal hygiene, and meals. Activity offerings can help ensure residents remain active and engaged as they age.

“It can be difficult for an older adult to realize that they need more help than informal caregivers can provide, especially when that involves moving out of their home to a new home,” said Deb Bland, marketing director of Lyngblomsten at Lino Lakes, a senior living community that offers assisted living and memory care. With 46+ years of experience in the field, she’s seen firsthand the positive impact that senior communities can make in older adults’ lives (and their children’s lives). “Fortunately, assisted living and memory care communities are well-equipped to provide that help while keeping older adults invested in an active lifestyle.”

If your parents have needs that don’t require this level of care, they could continue to live at home with some extra supports. For those whose parents live alone, if they’re having trouble eating enough, they could use the Meals on Wheels program or have groceries delivered to their home. If they’re having trouble ordering and managing their medications, they could start using an automatic medication delivery service.

There are many resources available to support family caregivers while the older adult receiving care still lives at home. For example, Lyngblomsten offers The Gathering, a group respite care program for older adults with early- to mid-stage memory loss who are still living at home. It gives the older adult brain-stimulating activities and social interaction while the family caregiver gets a break. Overnight or extended respite care is also available. Or you can find a caregiver support group that offers advice, a caring community, and valuable resources—whether your parents live independently, in a care center, or somewhere in between.

No matter what level of support you might need to consider for your parents, it’s important to talk with them about their health and safety not only when you see warning signs, but also when you don’t. In other words, have a discussion with them when they’re healthy. Then, when the time is right to talk making a change, you’ve already begun the work of what can be a delicate, difficult conversation.

“Change is hard, and planning ahead is key,” said Bland. “Hard decisions can be easier when you’re able to prepare for them. If you try to make them during a crisis, you’ll struggle more to find the best solution.”

Resources

One important resource for helping you discover and comb through the options that are available is Lyngblomsten Community Services, which provides resources and support to informal family caregivers of older adults. The staff of Lyngblomsten Community Services staff have many years of experience supporting caregivers and will listen carefully to your story before providing tailored recommendations and answering any questions. They can be reached at 651.632.5320 or caregiving@lyngblomsten.org.

Another helpful resource is Minnesota Aging Pathways, a free service sponsored by the Minnesota Board on Aging that connects older adults and caregivers with resources they may need. It can help address health care insurance, prescription drug expenses, and other topics. To contact Minnesota Aging Pathways, call 1-800-333-2433 (free) or visit https://mn.gov/aging-pathways/.

You can also peruse senior housing directories. Available online, the directories list older adult housing options (including care centers, senior apartments, and memory care units) in the Twin Cities. Also listed are room prices and the types of services available. Visit www.seniorhousinginc.org or www.seniorhousingguide.us.